Higher level of Bromance

Excuse me, but how many kids do you have? And in between those kids, you didn't have sex, right? Yes? You whore! You Sodomite! Reproduction is the only moral reasons for sex! Go back to Gomorrah. Our relationship being a sin?! We've never slept together! The bible doesn't say anything about our relationship. We're just friends. I haven't "laid" with him as with a woman. It's more like we've reached a higher level of bromance than ever before.

You came out at the worst possible moment...

-Now that you've told me you're gay, everything just seems more phallic in your hands...
-What?
-Look, just refrain from eating bananas or drinking water in front of me...
-Dude, I don't picture myself guzzling cum when I'm taking sips from a bottle. What the fuck?